‘I want you…
Secure, like a promise on a postcard in my back pocket.
Standing sock-footed and sleepy-eyed in my bathroom.
Desperately, the way I wanted cigarettes two days after I quit. The way I wanted him to come home the first night after he left.
Bone to Bone. Naked. Raw. Hungry.
The way your father never wanted your mother.
Like a promise I will never be lonely again.
Out of duty, like when soldiers return to war.
Because every lover before you has turned away when I still had handfuls of love to give them.
Because she broke you down into pieces that were easier to swallow.
And I’m hungry for the life you lead; I want to fuck my way into it.
So I watch you like a wild animal. Always admiring, awed, and afraid.
The way we’ve both poured whiskey down our throats like it would save us.
Trapped, collected like a photograph in a locket.
Out of gratitude. Only you could forgive the way I can never be alone.
Less than I want others who don’t want me.
Because you remind me of the city skyline reflected in the river.
Because I remind you of the guard rail that keeps you from jumping into the water.
Because I have always wanted to be a soldier, and loving you is a battle.’